To Forgive Is to Heal

I’m going to write about the F word. You know…forgiveness. It is of such profound importance that it is the subject of many books, articles, and spiritual practices. And it is not easy. If it was, then there would be no need for so much focus to be put on it.

When we hold on to our anger, resentment, or feelings of victimhood, then we keep the emotional and psychological wounds fresh. We keep ‘digging’ at all that, making sure our hurts do not have a chance to be forgotten, lest we think that whatever happened was unimportant or we don’t feel validated. We hold onto this burden, and it gets heavier and heavier. The thing is, though, by doing this we are not allowing ourselves to heal.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Mahatma Gandhi

If we take some time and really think about what is causing us pain, acknowledge that it happened, and then start to change the way we think about it, we can slowly release the weight of it and begin the healing process. This by no means is a form of condoning what happened, but rather a chance to courageously let go of the negativity associated with it so we can focus on what we can take from the experience and turn it into something better.

By letting go of the pain, we can use our newfound strength to free ourselves from remaining stuck in the past. As we move forward, we may find ourselves backtracking, yet as soon as we notice that we are not moving in the direction we want, then we can gently turn our attention onto forgiveness. It is quite likely that we will have to do this over and over and over again, until it ‘takes’, but that is what was meant when it was written that we must forgive seventy times seven, if necessary. Just keep at it.

Take time this week to think about what you have been holding onto that needs to be forgiven (whether yourself or someone else) and start healing yourself.

“Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying ‘You’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.’ It’s saying, ‘You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future.'”

Jodi Picoult