The Freedom of Forgiveness

We’ve all heard that forgiveness is necessary in order to move forward with our lives. And as most of us will agree, forgiveness often seems difficult. We may feel that if we forgive someone that we are excusing what happened, so it can seem easier to hold onto our resentments, allowing hurtful experiences to continue to fester within our hearts, and allow them to color every part of our lives. Forgiving (ourselves or others) does not make what happened okay, nor does it mean it will be forgotten, but it does allow healing to begin as we accept what has happened and we process the emotions associated with it.

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”

Tyler Perry

When we refuse to let go of our pain, we remain stuck perpetually in the past. We can’t move on if we are constantly reminding ourselves of that hurtful experience, or of the mistake we or someone else made. If we keep poking and prodding a physical wound, fretting over how much it hurts, it will eventually become infected and cause even more damage. It’s the same with emotional wounds. By withholding forgiveness, and keeping the pain fresh in our minds, we will only cause ourselves more suffering.

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”

John Green

When we decide that we have suffered enough (and it’s important to understand that not forgiving someone is hurting ourselves) and we make the conscious choice to start letting go of the resentment and bitterness, we open ourselves to the freedom of going on to something better. We don’t forgive for another’s sake; we forgive for our own. That may initially sound selfish, but it’s really just a form of self-care, which is essential for our overall well-being.

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Nelson Mandela

It’s also important to note that most of the time forgiveness is not a one-time act. Sometimes we have to consciously forgive (release resentment) over and over until it finally sticks. This can take a long time, but if we consistently focus on making progress toward complete forgiveness, then we are on the right track.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Mahatma Gandhi